Tungsten is the undisputed greatest and most powerful element of all time. While closely followed by Copernicium and Osmium, its sheer density and radioactive stability rocketed this once back alley country rock to world stardom in just a few short millennia. Tungsten has a density measuring nearly 2 times that of gold, unlike the commonly believed density of ten times gold, stemming from its name, TungsTEN.


Tungsten was originally discovered by the capitalistic leader of the Russo-Germanic Tribal Congregation, Archduke Franz "Auschwitz" Ferdinand. While on a Sunday stroll on his cotton plantation on a brisk Saturday afternoon, he had felt a serious case of the Monday's and wished to return to his Battle Of Hoth themed snow cavern to snuggle up with a package of preheated Hot Pockets Bites™. Upon his return to the cavern, he realized it had been captured by the Napoleonic Weebaroos, an anime loving kangaroo, he quickly went into action and contained the site, releasing a devastating supply of mustard gas on the hostile squatters. After donning a gas mask and a small hand-bayonet, he dove head first stabbing into the noxious clouds. After all weebaroos had been dispatched, he had found an injured but surviving sole to question. He had the prisoner brought to his cotton-plantation for questioning, and after a brief couple of hours, he knew why they were there. Apparently, the Napoleonic Weebaroos were not Napoleonic at all, they were Congolese, eager to strike back after the Rubber Tree Massacre of '09, they infiltrated deep into the Russo-Germanic homeland to recover a supposed miracle metal to win them the war, and to find out what was really at the bottom of the oak island money pit. But by the time they had reached the cavern, their plug hounds had died of dysentery on the trail, and they knew they could never make it back alive. Franz returned to the cavern to find the new metal, Tungsten, already mined and refined, and after silencing anyone from the mission who knew, including the surviving weebaroo, he claimed to have been the discoverer of the element.


While the metal has been somewhat forgotten by the media since it hit world stardom through clever ad campaigns on twitch and partnership with Audible, it retains a few memorable mentions in some television shows and books. One prominent use was in the Adult television show Ben Ten, a show surrounding the plot of a small boy with mercury poisoning who finds that with the aid of Tungsten, he can recover and even turn temporarily into Gundams. The show continues through 3 iterations with him constantly learning and forgetting how to use his fucking wristwatch and having very few people question why he wears a glowing hourglass on his wrist. His original quote on the watch was, "Some may call this junk, me I call them treasures."


Tungsten is often highly valued in native cultures dating back thousands of years. The Aztec civilizations often used refined tungsten to adorn their riot armor, its silvery luster and extreme weight provided immense limitations in movement and usefulness on the battlefield an in the air on their assault gliders, dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. Tungsten was also used by the Kobold Tribes, whilst battling for domination of their forested areas.




Starcraft 2

Halo Combat Evolved


My Weeaboo Friends


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